If there’s one type of non-fiction book I can’t resist, it’s a book written by a comedian that I adore. I love Aziz – from his portrayal of Tom Haverford on Parks & Recreation to his stand up specials to his obsession with good food. I picked up Modern Romance as soon as I could, and I read most of it during my road trip to Canada.
5 things you should know about Modern Romance:
1. It’s not “another celebrity/comedian memoir” – it’s non-fiction written with a sense of humor, but it’s a well researched look at the state of modern dating & relationships, co-written with a professor of sociology, Eric Klinenberg.
2. It’s not just for single people looking for romance. It’s also not really a “how-to” book. Regardless of whether you’re single or not, or young or not, it’s a pretty interesting look into how our approach to relationships and marriage have changed over the past century. If you’re interested in sociology and how technology is making major changes to love and relationships, this book is a good introduction.
3. Single people will find bit of helpful information about online dating. It’s not the only focus of the book, but a good chunk is spent digging into what behaviors make online dating successful or not. One of the biggest takeaways: most people are serial “one-daters” – they go out on a date with a new person and will not go on a second date unless they rank that person as an 8, 9, or 10 on a potential partner scale. Research has found that people who spend more time (aka more dates) with people they’ve rated as “ok” will change their rating of the person either higher or lower. The only way to truly get to know someone is to go on more than one date. Online dating has created a “this one’s not my soul mate, on to the next one” mentality that prevents us from really getting to know potential partners, and often times making people feel that it doesn’t work well.
4. People in a committed relationship will also find interesting information in here. I’m in a committed relationship, but found the entire evaluation of modern romance interesting. It also covers topics of some interest to people in relationships: how online/device “snooping” impacts modern relationships, what breaking up is like in the age of social media, and what dates / activities provide the deepest level of connection & intimacy.
5. It’s hard to choose between the audiobook and the print edition. I initially pre-ordered the audiobook, thinking that it’d be a perfect non-fiction book to listen to and I generally prefer memoirs on audio. But then I saw the print copy and all the awesome charts and graphs, and decided to return my audiobook and buy it in print. I’m sure it would have been great to listen to Aziz read it, but I think the graphs were helpful and interesting.
All in all – it’s an interesting book. It’s nice that it’s a quick read, but it also doesn’t dive in very deep on most of the concepts. There’s a lot of room for further research and writing in this area, which will make this book dated pretty quickly. But if you’re interested in the topic, it’s worth picking up. If you’re on the fence, I’d recommend getting it from the library or waiting for the paperback.
Has anyone else read this or listened to it yet? What are your thoughts?
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I’m almost through listening to this audiobook, and overall it’s just been okay for me. There have been interesting snippets, but I find much of it repetitive. I think the most interesting part so far was the discussion of dating in other countries. I like this list style review!
I enjoyed the discussion of dating in other countries a lot too – it was so interesting! Esp Japan – wow.
(And thank you re: the list style review! Sometimes I get inspired to mix things up a bit.)
As a non-fan of the author (sorry, not sorry, but Tom was the one character on P&R – and his annoying friend – that drove me to distraction) I was ready to give this one a pass. But I’ve been hearing interesting things, including this great post. So, Emily, you have me wavering, darn you! :)
No real reply, just forgot to hit the notify box. :)
I like his character on Parks, so I can’t speak 100% objectively, but I think there’s enough distance between Aziz the comedian / Tom character and Aziz the author of this book for you to enjoy it as a non-fan. His most recent stand up special on Netflix could be a good gauge for you – it’s similar subject matter, just way more jokes than the book includes.
But if you decide to pass on it, that’s (of course) ok too. There’s nothing terribly earth shattering about this one – just an interesting look at the ways dating & relationships have changed due to technology.
Oh, very good idea about checking out the special, perhaps I’ll do that. The book does sound interesting to me and has received great reviews, so I’m tempted. And I did love Tom with Donna, but he was just so whiny. I’m a Ron Swanson gal myself. :)
I’m glad you reviewed this! I was actually hoping you would because I like opinions on nonfiction titles and I wasn’t sure whether or not I really wanted to read it. This book makes me think back to “Dataclysm” by Christian Rudder for some reason, probably because they both touch on online dating. I’m not an Aziz fan (I never seen any of his stuff) but the book’s topic made me curious and what you’ve highlighted here interests me. I’d love to see what he’s discovered.
I’m so glad it was helpful! I hope you enjoy it whenever you get a chance to read it. Aziz quotes from stats from Dataclysm, and worked with Christian Rudder a bit on the book, and now I’d like to read that one as well!
Well, I can attest to “Dataclysm” being a good read and quite insightful.
Oh great! Glad to hear it! I think I’ll look for it on audiobook.
I finished this one recently too! Great review! I found Aziz’s thoughts on what we look for in a partner these days compared to in the past super interesting, and I really enjoyed his sense of humour! At times I found some of it a little repetitive, but I think that’s just because as a single, some of the topics I was a bit too close to and over familiar with – because I have/do experience them when dating and therefore have thought about them a lot already I think.
Thank you! I can see how some of the topics felt a little repetitive, maybe a slightly tighter edit would have been good, and also allowed him to put a bit more in on other topics, like the cultural differences around the world. From my experiences online dating a few years ago, I definitely related to the “one date syndrome” – I probably didn’t give a lot of guys a real chance!
I also have a weakness for books written by my favorite comedians. I need to read this one! My takeaway from this post: I should get the audiobook from the library and buy a hard copy for the graphs.
That is not a bad plan at all! I decided to return the audiobook from Audible because I didn’t want to use a credit AND buy it in hardcover, but I’m definitely planning on looking for the audiobook later from the library so I can experience that as well – I have a feeling it will be like Amy Poehler’s book where the audiobook has extra enhancements that the print edition doesn’t (and vice versa).
Next up for me to agonize over is whether to get Mindy Kailing’s next book this September in audiobook or print. :)
I was originally going to pass this one up because it didn’t seem much like my bag, not being a particular fan of Aziz (and not a non-fan, either, just indifferent!) and being in a long-term relationship, but it sounds like you still got some good things out of it. I like that it sounds more like a primer than something super in-depth.
I did – I think there’s some interesting information in here, even for people who are in serious relationships. I also just found the subject interesting in general, as someone who went through a few years of testing out online dating myself a while ago. So even though some of the info isn’t relevant to me now, I think the subject in general – how dating & courtship has evolved & adapted to technology, is very interesting.